Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What Did I Expect? Anxiety Runs In The Family...

So here it is-- 12AM on the morning I'm supposed to be induced-- and I am still awake! :( I have tried everything I can possibly think of to get myself to sleep (i.e. a dose of Benadryl, relaxation techniques, etc, etc), but it just isn't happening! 
I am sitting here watching Allen sleep peacefully next to me, and I'm smiling to myself, knowing it probably won't be the last time that I envy him that! Haha! :)
I can't really complain, though... I have been well-rested for the last couple of days since I started my leave from work. And I knew in the back of my mind that there was a slim chance that I was going to get any sleep the night before our induction!! I am just too anxious... So I am waving my little white flag.

My mind is so busy!! I keep thinking about all of the things I may have forgotten to pack; All the little surprises that I won't expect about tomorrow; How I will feel the first time I see her little face and hear her little cry; The wave of emotions that I will feel when I look at Allen and know that we are officially parents!! :)

Of course there is the fear of the unexpected too-- What if she's really a boy? (Wouldn't that be funny?) What if there is something wrong? What if there is nothing I can do to help her when she needs me the most? I think about all of the families I have seen with that look in their eyes-- begging for some sense of control over the situation-- and I am terrified of that!! I find some peace in knowing that God has a special plan for each of us-- and for Brynn-- and He will show it to us the way it is supposed to be... And we can't change that no matter how much we wish it.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”  Hebrews 11.1

Well, here goes everything... We will keep you posted!!

I also wanted to thank everyone who has sent text messages or comments wishing us the best for tomorrow!! We appreciate your love and support more than words can ever say! It is so uplifting and wonderful to hear from you all!! We feel so blessed!

I am bringing my laptop to the hospital so we can Skype, and possibly blog if I feel like it!! :)

God Bless,
The Weinzapfels

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